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| Elways is where all those lights are chillin |
Elways
174 Gore Creek Dr Vail, Colorado 81657
I don't know anything about sports or whatever but that John Elway has managed to figure out a thing or two about how to make cash money post football - with this whole restauranting venture.
Elways has always been on my list based on the fact that people are always raving about it. I'm pretty meh about steakhouses which speaks volumes because there isn't much that sits between my feelings of major positivity or doblanegativity. But steakhouses? Who needs them, they feel like the most boring of houses. I don't know or care much about steak although one time I made Ina Garten's (some kind of steak)with provençal butter which was so incredible it would make your balls drop. If that is a thing. I don't know how that works obviously but I imagine you are just walking down zhe street one day and BAHLONK balls.
Anyway, who cares.
As I was saying because steakhouses are usually all - hey, gurl why don't you buy a meat product and then also buy a vegetable to give it some company and by the way that steamed broccoli will cost you an extra $9 because this is a steakhouse in AMERICA and that is called freedom. My point is, that I find it of a waste of my time and I am never willing to cough up the dollars to go. Until recently when a friend got her hands on hot pocket gift certificate money. My favorite kind of money. So, for one night, we lived like Kings. Or Jacks. Whatever, we lived like the cousins of Kings. The highlight was probably that we chose the Vail location which makes me feel so incredibly lucky. If you have the opportunity to hit an Elways, I would highly recommend the Vail location as it is absolutely beautiful in every way, The Mary Poppins of Elways, if you will. Delightful in its beauty, it is beautifully lit, beautifully situated and beautifully peopled. Although downside to the Elways beautiful people is that they are kinda assholey. It seemed very let's take the nanny our for a night so we can feel good about making her work 16 hour days while we saunter around town, but let's keep our little children nearby but hidden in the foliage like little serial killers, waiting for just the right moment of peace and calm to murder us with their horribleness. Speaking of serial killers, how about that BTK. I bet he feels so stupid. Moral of the story, don't use church floppy disks when you are writing your FOOOLED YOOOOOOU letter to the Wichita Police, dummy.
Anyway, the people are shit, but that is to be expected. I always forget how much I hate people until I am seated near or around them. But I am pretty sure I have no right to be judgmental since my friends and I had a fantastic time drinking cocktails galore which I am sure chain reactioned into loud talking much of which was pretty inappropriate. So, they were fine.
Back to the food. As I said I don't give a shit about steak. So I had some fish. It was salty. I feel like any dish over $50 should be the right amount of salty, like seasoned enough so it doesn't taste salty. I'm pretty sure that every employee of Elways has watched some episode of a cooking competition show and knows rule number one is not to over season meaning CHILL ON THE SALT. And these guys were all - fuck it. I salt because it makes me feel alive, or whatever, maybe they didn't care? I mean what an embarrassing rookie mistake. I was not the only one at my table to experience saltlick for dinner so shame on you John Elway. You need to keep a better eye on your sous chef's sous chefs or whomever it was that took my sea bass and snotted on it.
Now, I didn't really mind so much, even though it sure sounds like I do, but I am a complainer who would have been pissed if I had to use real currency but it was completely fine because it was FREE! And I am pretty sure when we threw down our hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of pesos in gift certificates the waiter was all - NOW I GET IT. These people don't fit in here. Not one of them is named Priscilla or Bridget or Bradley or Cumberbatch. None of them say hip hip and all that jazz and no one called each other sport, well that one girl did. We also finished off about 900 cocktails, which were just fine.
In conclusion, go to Elways in Vail and sit on the patio and spend a lot of money on cocktails until you get a little drunk and maybe have a grilled artichoke because that was by far their best dish. So yes, it was too salty but still so lovley. You must go. If you haven't managed to get yourself to Vail Elways then you MUST go. You really must. It is something that you just have to do.....before you die, which is going to be any minute once you finish your salty dinner.
