Lo-hi Suck Bar

Lo-Hi Steak Bar, You didn't have to be such a dick.
3200 Tejon, Denver CO 802whogivesafuck

I decided that my original post was a little rude, especially for my first post on Eating OUT Denver, so I am rewriting it for you, my lovely readers in space. I know you have been chomping at the bits to get your filthy paws on my silky drawers of restaurant reviews for the Oh-elevens so here goes bitches.

I walk in to Lo-Hi, knowing that people rave the shit out of this place. Here is my experience.

Again, I walk in to Lo-Hi (with a friend we will call E and some other ladies I know and do not know). I wanted one little drink and I didn't plan to stay more than 15 minutes because I was tired and not in the greatest mood in the history of the universe. So I walk up to the bar with E and then the other ladies all sat down somewhere else.

I waited for a few minutes for the bartender to tend to me but he was really busy trying to look like he didn't give a shit - or was too cool for la escuela - which drives me fucking batty because if you really want to be taken seriously with that tude you need to move to a city that isn't Denver you waste of a penis. Denver is lovely but Banksy isn't going to be showing up any time soon so quit acting like Lo-hi is fucking Silver Lake you asshole and get me a fucking Pilsner.

Long story short, this was the least of the troubles of this place. Some waitress walks up to me and my friend and says in a tone dripping with condescention, "Excuse me ma'am, but you will need to sit at one of my tables if you would like to purchase a drink in this establishment." First of all -This is how this place works? What does a lady have to do to get a drink in this bar? WHAT? It at the very least rubbed me the wrong way. I said, I just wanted one drink and then I was going to leave - and she said - are those your friends?Her devil eyes finally unlocked from mine and she pointed with her incredibly long index finger (in slow motion) at a table of ladies in the corner and I said, well yes, but I just wanted one drink and she said - YOU HAVE TO SIT WITH THEM SO I CAN GET ALL OF THE TIPS FROM THE TABLE.

Well, I have never, have you? I have just never and I said I would rather never have another drink than give her one single penny and so I didn't. That is the beauty of this barstaurant, the food could have tasted like a thousand virgins in heaven but I would never know. The service is the worst I have ever experienced in Denver and I have suffered at the hands of lazy outdoorsmen and women many a time. I am used to I don't give a shit waitstaff of entitled trustafarian vegans who spend their days going all Coloradical, but this was more than I could take.

A few days ago, I was driving home from work and I pulled up to some young spring chicken in a little subaru wrx or something, he had a buzz cut and was a hair chubs but in a richie rich kind of way like he lived well in the Victorian age. The sun was shining on his little cherubic face and his 18 years of innocence brought me just a little touch of joy. This kid hasn't a care in the world. He doesn't know what it means to pay a mortgage or save for retirement or worry that spending your college days studying philosophy just to piss of your conservative parents isn't so cool anymore and that every single day of your life is one day closer to death. I don't want him to know. I immediately thought of that cuntbag waitress at Lo-Hi and how maybe she has three kids and is trying to stay afloat in this shite of an economy and maybe she has grown tired of ladies showing up at ten o'clock on a Friday night, ordering drinks at the bar and then sitting in her section. Maybe she is tired of watching that shit ass bartender taking her tips.

Maybe I will give her another chance. Probably not, because I am a stubborn painus but maybe I will mature in twenty ELEVEN!