Secondly, as you can see from a photo that I didn't steal for once, (hooray for LV!) it has a super duper awesomely cool looking sign. In fact, the rooftop bar is so beautiful and fabulously glamorous that all of my senses feel satiated with glamour. Which is great. If only I could give Linger a 10 on looks alone. Unfortunately, this most lovely looking "eatuary" which is still better I guess than eatery? And I totally get the whole, this place was once a mortuary aren't we cute thing......but here is my problem with it. The sign still has the m in front of eatuary which means they could have totally gone MEATUARY and then I would be powerless to it. I would go on missions across the city to convert America's vegans to see the light that is the cured meats. "How do you do it?" people would ask. "One house at a time," I would say. I'd buy a little suit, something simple that breathes. I would put on my bike helmet and pack my meats bag and I would begin the single most amazing one-lady meat conversion this city, nay, this world (that might be a bit much) this city has ever seen. And then on my death bed, when my grand children ask me, grandmama what is your greatest accomplishment? I would say shhhhhh my sweet grandchildren of whom I have never met......it was the meats...
Moving on. So looks 10 dance 3. That is where we are on this rooftop. This gorgeous rooftop that I recommend solely based on having a nice view of Denver. And I guess the tables and chairs and architectural touches are pretty lovely as well.... and everything is sustainable and environmentally friendly and shit which I totally appreciate and Linger should be proud to be part of this movement.
HOWFUCKINGEVER! Do NOT insult my fucking HH intelligenstia by pretending to have amazing happy hour specials when YOU DO NOT! I HATE YOU FOR LYING TO ME AND MY FRIENDS YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE SHITFACE BITCH!!!!! Is that too strong?
Then how about this.
GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU FUCKING LIAR!
I think we both know that I have attended a happy hour or two in my day. And I have picked up a few things. For example, my eyes can deduce the difference between a cocktail that is 8oz AND ONE THAT IS FUCKING 4oz!!!! So do not tell me that your drinks are half price during happy hour when they are also half the size. THAT IS NOT A HAPPY HOUR! THAT IS GET ON MY FUCKING NERVES HOUR! Oh, and if you think for one little second that taking a $1 off beer by serving 4oz less of it in some enviro-friendly plastic cup is going to fool me, then you are the dumb one.
And here's a tip! Tell your little rat-tailed Dali-mustachioed bouffanty fro'd hipster waiter, to FUCKING STEP on it. I have no more patience left for these kids who are too busy thinking that their single handed awesomeness somehow overrides my desire to have two drinks in a 3 fucking hour period. Go fuck yourself li'l Dali! I hate your tude. And I hate your service. It is the worst. America needs some kind of scared straight program to teach some fucking respect to teens in the service industry who think they are too cool to fulfill their job requirements.
Now, I know it seems that I might be rather harsh on this Linger as I have heard it referred as ball ticklin' delicious. In fact, there is a gentleman who swears to me that one day he will write (a classier take) on this very blahg about the amazingness that is Linger, so I know that the food has the potential to be incredible which is why it angers me to such degree. I ask you this Linger. If your regular dinner is so delicious then why is your happy hour food el sucko? I can come to only one conclusion. You motherfuckers are under the misconception that cheapskates who want a little view and a little drank and a touch of food do not deserve the same quality and service as those who sit only a few floors below. You are fucking assholes for this. And while I am at it, please stop with the fucking sweet potatoes. I get it, they were super neat 5 years ago - and you thought you were so innovative because you thought you put some interesting twist on the french fry. I got news for you, you didn't. Sweetpotatoing something, no longer makes it interesting. Good in theory....crap on my plate. And while I was taken for a moment at the thought of your saag paneer fry, which is also interesting in theory, I should have known that it too would be flavorless (with the exception of the neverending weird aftertaste of the fried sweet potato that surrounds it). And I remembered - or was reminded that Linger is owned by the same people as Root Down and I have had the exact same experience there which leads me to believe that 1) No two restaurants need this much sweet potato. Do they not know that 2011 is the year of the beet? Try to french fry that motherfucker. 2) The people who own these 2 restaurants don't give a shit about the happy hour crowd. I have both happy houred and dined for a real meal at Root Down and the two experiences were exactly opposite from one another and yet very similar to my happy hour experience at Linger. The happy hour was a bunch of sweetpotatoed crap and shitty drink specials while the dinner was fantastic. So, I feel confident assuming that the full-priced meal at Linger will be exquisite. But at this point does it even matter? I feel so violated by your lies Linger. I am so mad at you right now so do not expect to see me again....until probably next Friday when I am jonesing for the one decent view in this city. Go Fuck yourself.
Moving on. So looks 10 dance 3. That is where we are on this rooftop. This gorgeous rooftop that I recommend solely based on having a nice view of Denver. And I guess the tables and chairs and architectural touches are pretty lovely as well.... and everything is sustainable and environmentally friendly and shit which I totally appreciate and Linger should be proud to be part of this movement.
HOWFUCKINGEVER! Do NOT insult my fucking HH intelligenstia by pretending to have amazing happy hour specials when YOU DO NOT! I HATE YOU FOR LYING TO ME AND MY FRIENDS YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE SHITFACE BITCH!!!!! Is that too strong?
Then how about this.
I think we both know that I have attended a happy hour or two in my day. And I have picked up a few things. For example, my eyes can deduce the difference between a cocktail that is 8oz AND ONE THAT IS FUCKING 4oz!!!! So do not tell me that your drinks are half price during happy hour when they are also half the size. THAT IS NOT A HAPPY HOUR! THAT IS GET ON MY FUCKING NERVES HOUR! Oh, and if you think for one little second that taking a $1 off beer by serving 4oz less of it in some enviro-friendly plastic cup is going to fool me, then you are the dumb one.
And here's a tip! Tell your little rat-tailed Dali-mustachioed bouffanty fro'd hipster waiter, to FUCKING STEP on it. I have no more patience left for these kids who are too busy thinking that their single handed awesomeness somehow overrides my desire to have two drinks in a 3 fucking hour period. Go fuck yourself li'l Dali! I hate your tude. And I hate your service. It is the worst. America needs some kind of scared straight program to teach some fucking respect to teens in the service industry who think they are too cool to fulfill their job requirements.
Now, I know it seems that I might be rather harsh on this Linger as I have heard it referred as ball ticklin' delicious. In fact, there is a gentleman who swears to me that one day he will write (a classier take) on this very blahg about the amazingness that is Linger, so I know that the food has the potential to be incredible which is why it angers me to such degree. I ask you this Linger. If your regular dinner is so delicious then why is your happy hour food el sucko? I can come to only one conclusion. You motherfuckers are under the misconception that cheapskates who want a little view and a little drank and a touch of food do not deserve the same quality and service as those who sit only a few floors below. You are fucking assholes for this. And while I am at it, please stop with the fucking sweet potatoes. I get it, they were super neat 5 years ago - and you thought you were so innovative because you thought you put some interesting twist on the french fry. I got news for you, you didn't. Sweetpotatoing something, no longer makes it interesting. Good in theory....crap on my plate. And while I was taken for a moment at the thought of your saag paneer fry, which is also interesting in theory, I should have known that it too would be flavorless (with the exception of the neverending weird aftertaste of the fried sweet potato that surrounds it). And I remembered - or was reminded that Linger is owned by the same people as Root Down and I have had the exact same experience there which leads me to believe that 1) No two restaurants need this much sweet potato. Do they not know that 2011 is the year of the beet? Try to french fry that motherfucker. 2) The people who own these 2 restaurants don't give a shit about the happy hour crowd. I have both happy houred and dined for a real meal at Root Down and the two experiences were exactly opposite from one another and yet very similar to my happy hour experience at Linger. The happy hour was a bunch of sweetpotatoed crap and shitty drink specials while the dinner was fantastic. So, I feel confident assuming that the full-priced meal at Linger will be exquisite. But at this point does it even matter? I feel so violated by your lies Linger. I am so mad at you right now so do not expect to see me again....until probably next Friday when I am jonesing for the one decent view in this city. Go Fuck yourself.
This is my favorite post.
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