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| Even the photos suck |
324 E 3rd St.
Tulsa, Oklahomer
I am sorry Tulsa. I wanted you to have this, I really did. Unfortunately, Juniper was el sucko. I think there will be other restaurants that give you the satisfaction that you seek but it isn't Juniper.
First, a question for Juniper. Why do you have an open kitchen? That concept is so totally 90s and so loud and gag me. I don't need to see you sweat your balls off while you plate. In fact, I would rather not have to see you. Everyone knows you are back there, cooking, so you don't need to prove it to me. It is incredibly unappetizing and very distracting. In fact, I would rather see the people I came with thank you very much. Here's a tip, get off that vanity train and close up that kitchen so that I can have a nice meal with my family and not feel like my face is almost touching your sous chef.
Secondly, acoustics aren't an impossible science that no one will ever understand. So fix it. Bring in a few rugs or shove some drapery in the ceiling. But don't pretend that having to scream to the person sitting next to you is a normal method of communication. Don't blame us because you don't understand how sound travels. Yelling and eating isn't glamorous. My anger is increasing as I type this.
Finally Juniper, I ask you this. When you read the words herbed gnocchi and market fresh vegetables on a menu what do you expect to see? I was anticipating something along the lines of gnocchi lightly dusted with some kind of herby concoction plated with fresh and seasonal vegetables. Doesn't that seem nice? I thought it sounded like a nice dish and since people had been raving all over town about this place, I was looking forward to something fresh and simple, as the menu promised.
Simple was an understatement. At first I thought my eyes had deceived me. But after rubbing my eyes (Penny style) I could see that some asshole slopped a pile of deep fried gnocchi on my plate. Nothing but brown gnocchi - NOT ONE SINGLE FUCKING VEGETABLE. If I had wanted to eat a plate of deep fried potatoes I would have ORDERED FUCKING FRENCH FRIES! How insulting to me and to the city of Tulsa. You must think you are pretty goddamn special if you think you can get away with this and we won't notice. Someone needs to slap your face with a bag of dicks!
And one more minor detail. A few years ago, I had some friends over for a good old fashioned fish fry -and as you would imagine, one thing lead to another and we deep fried everything we could get our hands on. A friend of mine came prepared with snickers and brownies and twinkies - and we fried the shit out of them. And yes, initially - the first bite of each item was kind of amazing, but only because we were drunk enough not to care that everything had a fishy aftertaste because that is what happens when you deep fry sweets and fish in the same oil. But we were drunk and not pretending to be the fanciest restaurant in town. Why do I bring this up?
BECAUSE THAT IS HOW MY GNOCCHI TASTED YOU LAZY MOTHERFUCKER.
To make a long story short here is my review of you Juniper.
YOU SUCK YOU LAZY FUCK.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI work for Juniper and would like the opportoonity to talk about your review of our restuarant and my employer. First of all, we serve french fries, witch is a vegetable, potatoes are vegetables, or didnt u know that? We also serve brussel sprouts. The local people we spoke with said they enjoy our menu, and we enjoy it also as employees. It may be a little noisy in the restuarant at our busy time, but we think that is because of our diners enjoying there food and company. We may not be Denver Colorado, but we know how to use a fork knife and spoon injunction with our mouths to speak with, so eating and being noisy is our god given right as americans. And you cuss alot. Learn to express yourself like a normal person. Please dont come back to our restuarant. Ur not welcome in my section for sure. Katie.
Dear Katiejo79. We are honored that you would take the time and energy to comment on this wee blog. I completely agree with you that treating french fries and pizza sauce as vegetables for children's school lunches contributes greatly to the exponential obesity growth of our youth. I know that we often worry that one person's fight cannot make change. But it is your passionate comment that I can only assume will eventually lead to the change to insert real vegetables into the mouths of children. Keep up the good work. And thank you again for your well thought out response.
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