TAG - Who 5280'd Whom?

TAG

http://tag-restaurant.com/

1441 Larimer Street
Denver, CO 80202-1704

Even though I heard from a reliable source that TAG was fantastic I avoided it because I mistakenly thought it was a steakhouse and most steakhouses suck. If you would like to know more about my feelings on the subject, please read the "Why Most Steakhouses Suck" blog entry. If need be, we can fist fight or verbally debate the matter, whatever you like.

Anyway, I decided to 5280 TAG - (for the thousands of readers not familiar with 5280 week, which is actually 2 weeks - restaurants all over the city create mini fixed price menus for a couple of weeks and charge $52.80 per couple in an effort to boost the restaurant scene.) I hear this happens all over the country so whatever. If you would like to know how to properly 5280, please read my blog entry, "How to 5280, you fucking idiot". So the pros of 5280 are that many of the fine-ish dining houses are super cheap. The cons, most of these places don't give a shit about expanding their clientele and think 5280 week is a huge pain in the anus, which it probably is, so most places phone it in. I assumed that TAG would do just that.

But I was wrong.

Praise Jesus the food was amazing. I mean perfect. I loved every single second and every single bite. From the jalapeno kumquat mojito - which sounds so fucking pretentious, because it is, but when something is that amazing, who cares, to the empanadas, the pork and the unbelievable dessert which I cannot remember exactly because I had several mojitos, but remember feeling the need to stick my tongue on the plate and lick it clean. Here is a tip - just order one mojito. No need for multiples. The first one was one of the best drinks that has ever crossed these chapped lips, but the second one was meh. Back to the food, whatever you order will be phenomenal. If TAG puts this much effort into its 5280 menu, I can only imagine how exquisite the full-priced menu is. Also, I cannot wait to summer here. The happy hour from 2-6 looks fantastic. Dear day job, I'm busy after 2pm getting shit-faced on delicious cocktails and eating small bites of excellence. PS, I will need a ride home at 6. Super.

PPS, they have Absinthe. I do not understand why absinthe is so popular. I remember its allure in the late 90s because it was illegal in the US and because I was young enough to believe that more than a couple shots of it would make me go all PCP and shit. Not the case, which in retrospect I am very thankful for. I don't personally care for it because I think it tastes like shit. Oh, sorry, did I offend? It tastes like licorice dipped in shit. Is that better? I will accept it being offered in bars, but it is such a production with the sugar cube and the freebasing spoon and theoversized jar of water that I do not need to see it at my dinner table thank you very much. It seemed like a drinky version of a hookah, which I am also not interested in participating in because everyone always seems to be watching each other as they pull the fruit laden smoke into their lungs and the whole thing looks weirdly and uncomfortably sexual.

Anyhoo, long story short - if you like food, go to TAG. If you do not, go there anyway.