16th and Central (or something like that)
their website is currently just popups - surprise
I love to Happy Hour on Saturdays. Sun and beer and some sort of a cured meat are really my favorite tongue equation. Since Denver has more sunny days than San Diego (I am still waiting for this to be our city's motto) Saturday happy hours give me the much needed excuse to take a break from my role as Sysiphus and sit in the sun and get a little drunk.
When I told a friend of mine that it was time to get happy houred, he suggested Amatos or whatever the stupid name is - because he heard it has a yuge patio, a shit load of beer and good food. He was exactly right. It has all of those things. Apparently the patio seats 500 people and there is a super long list of Colorado beers and the muffaletta slider (which goes against my core beliefs of hating all sliders - full full report to appear on the shit I am sick of post coming soon) was pretty good. So why don't I like this place? If it has all of the ingredients in making my Saturday happy?
First of all they don't happy hour on Saturday. So fuck you for that. Secondly, they don't have a single lager or any lighter beer that isn't a fucking wheat beer. Dear wheat beer, college called and said you can go fuck yourself. I am very Sam I am about wheat beer. I will not drink it anywhere. After trying a couple of different "pilsnery radobeers" we ended up saying fuck it and getting drunk on wine.
We did enjoy ourselves but no thanks to Amatos. It was too chilly to sit outside and while this patio was incredibly large, I am not sure why everyone raves about the view. It overlooks I-25. I already have that view on a daily basis. I would in fact prefer that I have the opposite view. Sure, there is a view of downtown in the background but it is basically like sitting on the highway, so no thank you.
Secondly Amatos whatever its called was created by the Breckinridge Brewery and I am pretty sure this is how their design process went. Dude, what do Coloradans love most? RadoBeer, RadoSunsets and RadoSports. Let's give it to them, fuck yeah! We are so fucking Rado YEAH! I really don't understand their need for profanity in this moment, but I totally can see them swearing a lot while fancying themselves over the top Rado. What they did not consider, in this very (one can only assume extensive) design process, was giving the facility for which to appreciate these very Rado experiences any kind of personality whatsoever. It is the lamest looking TGIFridays I have ever seen. Aside from the little statue of David in the ladies room, which I assumed to be an homage to the original namesake of Amatos, (a crazy statue birdbathy place) it was horrendously boring. Sans Ambience. Sans anything. So technically the most interesting aspect of the entire bar was the shitter? Thank you but I am busy hating this place. What kind of assholes take the namesake of one of the most incredibly weird and interesting locations in the entire city and rape it of its originality? If I could punch a bar in the face (or a brewery I would punch this bitch square in the mouth). How could Amatos fix this problem? Go back in time 6 months and instead of tearing the site to shit, leave it as is, string up some lights and throw in a crooked bar with a few too busy to be interested in serving you waiters and you will have probably the coolest little bar in the city. Covered in birdbaths and statues, I bet this place exists in Austin somewhere so maybe it wouldn't be that original but it would beat the cock off of this Applebees 2.0.
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